The P E R F E C T Boyfriend List
by MOSHIxMOSHI
Summary: Ino decided to pick out a "boy-toy" for her seemingly single best friend Sakura via list of "requirements". Little does she know Sakura already has the perfect boyfriend... "Sasuke Uchiha if you don't pick up that phone right now no sex for a week!" SasuSaku


**The P.E.R.F.E.C.T. Boyfriend List**

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"I have an idea."

Sakura groaned and rolled her head over to look up at her best friend with a plastic shopping bag around her arm.

"What, Ino-pig?"

The blonde grinned despite the nickname and plopped down in front of Sakura. She flipped the bag upside down to allow the contents to fall out in a messy pile in the grass and let the trash bag blow in the wind, not caring about littering. Sakura noted she had a pack of wide ruled line paper and two pens. One red and one purple.

Ino tossed the previously napping girl the red pen and opened the plastic wrapping to get a sheet of paper, resting it on her purple binder. Sakura sat up curiously, ignoring the leaves and twigs in her short pastel hair.

"We," Ino began explaining literally bouncing on the school yard ground excitedly, "are going to make you a Perfect Boyfriend list to help you 'find the one'. I'm tired of you being the only single one in our group!"

Sakura smiled softly to herself, mint green eyes crinkling slightly.

_If only she knew…_

The pinkette began writing her list anyway.

* * *

**[P]atient**

Sakura groaned and rolled over on the couch to lie on her back, paper and pencil forgotten. She kicked her feet up in a tantrum and whined out.

"Sasukeeee, it's too hard!"

Said teen sighed and glanced over at the girl lying on his couch with an unanswered homework sheet lying on the coffee table. She'd come over for homework help (after he demanded her to in attempt to fix her failing science grades) as usual. He'd explained the structure of atoms to her at _least _eleven times already and every time she exclaimed it was too difficult or flat out impossible for her to do.

Sasuke turned to face her, abusing his own homework he had due, and took her textbook in his hands, open to face her.

"The shell closest to the nucleolus can only hold two ions," he began once more.

* * *

**[E]lvish**

"No Sasuke, I refuse—let me go! Stop!"

To no avail Sakura cried out to her kidnapper in horror while nearby fair-goers stared at the interesting couple. A pink haired girl with green eyes being tossed over the shoulder of a stoic looking teen with pitch black hair and matching eyes was quite a sight to see.

Sasuke grunted when Sakura landed a particularly hard and meaningful knee to his stomach. He did not stop though, he continued to Sakura's impending death know more commonly as Disney World's Mount Everest Expedition roller coaster.

Sakura didn't know how Sasuke managed to get them tickets to such a well known and _expensive _amusement park but he had and she had no doubts the ever-rich Uchiha family had something to do with it. Mikoto and Fugaku (though the latter didn't show it openly) had always taken a great liking to their son's first and only girlfriend and seemed to do anything Sasuke asked if he so much as _looked _like he was thinking about Sakura.

Sakura thought of this fact as a Godsend and a curse, because now she was being forced on the scariest ride in the world by her "loving" boyfriend when he _knew _how much she hated heights, speed, and scary things.

All of which make up a roller coaster.

"Sasuke, pleeeaaaase no!

"Heh," he chuckled slightly, adjusting her weight over his shoulder.

Sakura sulked.

_The one time he decides to be mischievous…_

* * *

**[R]omantic**

Sakura sighed and stretched her aching back as she walked towards her house. The sun was high in the sky shining all its afternoon glory, the birds were chirping just enough to sound sweet and not annoying, and the air was breezy and warm.

Sakura wished she could die in the midst of it all, six hours of school could make anyonefeel like crap no matter _what_.

Once she stepped into the living room she announced her arrival to her parents who smiled and inquired her about her day. The two seemed _way _giddier than usual (and that's saying a lot for her mother) but Sakura was too worn out to think much more on the observation, let alone ask.

So the pinkette lazily sauntered pass the two giggling adults cooking _way _more dinner than necessary for the small three-some family and headed to her room. She opened the door and managed to take a full step inside before her door was slammed shut and she was pushed against it with _someone _practically devouring her lips with his own.

Sakura groaned and pushed him off with the little energy she had left.

"I'm tired, Sasuke," she informed simply before limping over to her bed and carelessly falling back into the plush sheets face-first.

Sasuke made a whining sound and kneeled beside her bed, elbows on mattress and chin resting on hands.

"I waited for you all day," he reasoned, hoping to guilt her into his sinful kisses. It was too risky to go beyond _just _kisses with both of her parents home just around the corner in the kitchen.

A muffled "too bad" was Sakura's only reply.

Sasuke frowned and opted for glaring at a random framed photograph on her nightstand. It was exactly random as he had a reason for his hatred towards the photo but it was the first thing he saw when he looked over.

The picture was simple from a normal person's eyes but Sasuke wasn't normal (in more ways than one) as he was Sakura's boyfriend. In the picture was (from left to right) Hinata, Naruto, Kiba, Ino, Sakura, himself, Neji, and Tenten. The couples were next to each other either holding hands or hugging under the romantic lighting of the sunset park—minus Sakura and himself.

Sakura and Sasuke were just standing there awkwardly in the midst of the love standing an acceptable distance to be considered "friends" and both looked uncomfortable, though Sakura played it off better than he did by leaning over to Ino like best friends. Sasuke refused to be anywhere nearer to the Hyuuga than he already was and Sakura would surely hit him if he even attempted to be romantic with her in front of their friends.

Obsidian eyes flickered back to the finally at peace girl's form.

"Why don't you want to tell them?"

Somehow Sakura automatically knew what he was talking about and a small rush of guilt temporarily took her.

"I don't think it's a good time ye—"

"I love you," he cut her off, "a lot. And I…"

He hesitated, inwardly struggling with himself over choosing whether or not to possibly embarrass himself by a cheesy confession.

"…want…to be able to…tell everyone that…" he awkwardly continued, unsure with himself and her response.

Sakura tensed slightly as she thought his words over. He'd confessed to her before, many times very casually but he'd never said anything like this before. The confession was awkward and was hard to understand but she knew him well enough that she understood. Sasuke never went against her wishes to keep their relationship a secret though he didn't know her reason. She could tell he didn't like it and wished they were more open but he never said anything verbally and especially not like this.

Sakura bit her bottom lip, face turned slightly to speak and breathe better.

"I love you too, but you know how Naruto and Ino are, they'll make it a big deal and…" she trailed off hoping he'd find more excuses on his own because she was out.

"It is a big deal," Sasuke argued grumpily, covering his face in his palms to keep her from seeing his blush in case she was to turn around to look at him.

"Our relationship isn't meaningless to me."

"I'm not saying it's meaningless! It's just embarrassing," Sakura mumbled the last part with no confidence at all in what she was saying.

To be public would mean things would change. Double dates, criticism, questions, jealously, and it was too much for her to handle. She liked their current relationship, it was simple.

Though she had her fair share of moments at school when she just wanted to pull him into a hug or kiss him but she had to hold herself back. Ino would immediately ask why no one told her about their relationship that had been going on since they were twelve.

"Promise me we'll tell them one day," he whispered softly, giving up on arguing with her.

Sasuke stood from his crouching spot on the floor to sit on her bed. He leaned back to lay beside her and wrapped an arm around her waist in a sort of embrace.

Sakura smiled and grabbed on to the hand around her waist, catching the underlying message he was trying to imply, _stay with me forever_.

"I promise."

* * *

**[F]riendly**

Mint skittered over to black expectantly. Her arms crossed and lips curved downwards in silent argument. Sasuke replied just as argumentative but without moving at all. A long minute passed, the only sound being the obsessive blaring ring of Sasuke's cell phone.

"Pick it up," Sakura demanded, "Naruto might seriously need you."

Sasuke almost rolled his eyes but refused to break eye contact.

"No."

"Sasuke," Sakura threatened lowly.

Narrowed eyes.

"I said _no._"

Sakura smiled sweetly, but Sasuke knew better.

"Sasuke Uchiha if you don't pick up that phone _right now _no sex for a week."

…

…

…

"What the hell do you want, dobe?"

Sakura grinned and left Sasuke to his conversation in his bedroom.

* * *

**[E]nticing**

"Sasukeeee, I'm trying to study for a big test tomorrow," the pinkette whined, desperately trying to push Sasuke off of her.

Sakura's light green chair squealed from the movement and added weight of the two teenagers. She was seated at her desk attempting to finish reading a chapter in her biology textbook but to no avail as her boyfriend was distracter her at the moment with his lips on her necks and hands roaming over her body. She squirmed uncomfortably.

"Stop it!" She pleaded, halfheartedly pushing him away.

Sasuke hummed against her neck, sending shivers down her spine and causing her to tense up.

"One round," he whispered against the shell of her ear while his right hand traveled up her right thigh, slipping under her navy blue skirt.

"…J-just one…"

…

…

…

…

…

Sakura sighed in contentment as Sasuke, now sweating and panting heavily, rolled off of her and onto his side. His arm draped over her waist affectionately and he began kissing her neck again.

Sakura giggled and moved her head slightly to kiss him on the lips before sitting up to finish studying for her midterms tomorrow.

"Two," Sasuke called suggestively from the bed, "two rounds?"

Sakura sighed, cursing him for being so attractive and utterly irresistible.

"Fine, but that's it!"

Sasuke pulled her back down and smirked, not believing her for a second.

* * *

**[C]aring**

Any normal person who knew Sasuke Uchiha knew he is _not _the caring type in any way. He'd stand back and watch a kitten being burned to death with no remorse. Even his best friend, Naruto Uzumaki, agreed wholeheartedly that Sasuke will never _ever _have any emotions towards anyone or anything.

Sakura Haruno is not a normal person though, she is Sasuke Uchiha's girlfriend of three years and knows the truth no one would have ever suspected and no one would ever believe:

Sasuke is the most compassionate and caring person she'd ever met.

Now a normal person would say "she must not know many people" but you have to remember, Sakura Haruno is also friends with Hinata Hyuuga, the nicest and most polite girl anyone has ever known.

Sakura always had a way of seeing through the Uchiha (only Sasuke though, the rest were a mystery) and knowing his deepest thoughts. Not _exactly _his thoughts but she knew the meanings he did things for the most part.

Like Sakura knew he wouldn't watch a cat burn. She knew this because she'd watched him save an _earth worm _from getting run over by her car before… okay well she spotted it in the rearview mirror with her perfect eyesight and begged him to pick it up and put it somewhere save but that's a minor detail.

She'd also seen him do many other kind things for the world such as recycling after she'd threatened to break up with him for causing pollution which could cost millions of innocent people their lives to cancer. Sasuke rolled his eyes but moved to throw the empty tomato V8 can in the recycle bin an extra ten feet away than the trash can.

Sakura felt she knew everything about Sasuke, one of these things being that he was naturally sweet and caring though he tried to hide it. However, she was wrong. Sasuke being kind wasn't natural at all; it was only something that happened when Sakura was around.

* * *

**[T]elepathic**

Sakura giggled quietly to herself as she neared his unconscious body. Sasuke's black hair was messier than usual and scattered across her pillow while his school uniform was wrinkled. His eyes were closed and his usually piercing expression was slightly softer than usual. Needless to say, Sasuke Uchiha had attempted to visit his girlfriend after school Friday afternoon but had ended up passed out on her Hello Kitty bed from exhaustion instead.

Sakura had almost gushed over the sight of her boyfriend in such an adorable, vulnerable position. Instead she opted for staring at his cute expression while he slept. Sakura was content with just this until a sudden thought began to plague her mind.

_I wonder what shampoo he uses?_

This simple, innocent thought began to infest itself throughout the rest of her mind. The question then became how much time he spends doing his hair, how long it is straightened, and countless more until she finally settled on the oh-so deadly _"I wonder what his hair feels like"._

Sakura had felt his hair _many _times before whether during passionate nights together or just casual days sitting in the park. His hair was one of her favorite physical parts of him she loved the most. However, the seemingly plain black hair had a different texture each time. Sometimes it was soft and messy, sometimes it was silky and smooth, and sometimes it was just boring ole hair.

But today, today Sasuke's hair looked especially soft, shiny, _and _silky. Her fingers twitched to touch it.

After much thought she rose from her seat slowly, conscious on how light of a sleeper Sasuke was. She slowly tip-toed to the motionless boy, adrenaline pumping through her veins more and more each step. After what seemed like eternity she read the side of her bed where he lay and extended her arms forward.

A millimeter from his perfect, sexy, smooth, ama—

"Don't even think about it."

Sakura pouted at the boy who's eyes were still closed. He was a mindreading ninja in his past life, she swore it. He could sense _anything_ even when asleep. Probably an emo, jackass mindreading ninja.

Sasuke stiffened.

"I was not…"

* * *

Ino looked over her friend's list with raised eyebrows. She glanced between the blushing pinkette and the piece of paper several times.

"I'm sorry to break it to you hun," Ino began slowly as if telling a child their dreams were impossible, "but there's _no one _with all of these characteristics."

Sakura smiled and looked past the blonde to where Sasuke and Naruto were talking about something the previous looked annoyed with. Onyx eyes caught her own green ones for a moment and he smirked before quickly breaking the contact and calling his best friend a dobe.

Sakura bit back a joyful smile and matching giggle.

_If only she knew…_

* * *

_A/N: This is toooootally not an excuse for not updating my other fic Peace Over Popularity, definitely not... -cold sweat-_

_Anywho, I hope you enjoyed this one-shot I've been working on for a few days. ^^_


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